My Shadow Box Faith

In the moment of my prayers being answered flawlessly and abundantly I made it my mission to tell everyone all the amazing things God had been doing in our family.  I told my closest family.  When people came to my house I showed them my "war room" and the prayer wall, my battlefield and my answered prayers.  I wanted to tell the whole world.  I wanted everyone to know the miracles that had been performed in our lives.  I put my faith and blessings in a shadow box frame in my "trophy room."  My war room became a show-off room and I soon quit spending time in there.  It wasn't on purpose but I was for the first time in a very long time in complete peace.  "All was well with my soul."  Life was good... 

About two weeks after everything in the home front was recovered and everyone was merry again I felt the holy spirit telling me to prepare for war.  I always know when a storm is coming.  I think I listened to every single women's ministry speaker's shared videos for about another two weeks.  My sweet cousin thought I was obsessed with it.  I knew I needed the training.

Then it happened.  The most and craziest thing unfolded right before my eyes with my marriage.  Out of respect for my marriage the details are confidential but I was in that moment shattered in one million tiny little pieces.  I knew that I had to go on because I just won a year long battle fighting to keep this family together.  I knew that this was Satan's attempt to take me down one more time. I think in these moments we grow.  It may not seem like we are growing but we are.  By the grace of God and my determined self, I forgave and we moved on.  In my heart I was breaking.  The pain you feel when something blindsides you is more intense then the "enduring" battles. I think God knows what we need to endure and when it's okay to fall apart.  The problem is I was trying so hard to remain the miracle family that I didn't show emotions.  I kept them all in.  I wanted to run but I couldn't.  You know when someone messes with you so much that you make it your mission to win?  That is what happened that day.  I decided that there was absolutely nothing Satan could do to me that could make me run anymore.  I am tired of running y'all.  

The problem is for the next two weeks I was so busy that I didn't have time to process this.  I think it was Christmas Eve before I realized how destroyed I was.  I was so lonely.  Due to the nature of my husband's job he is gone a lot.  It is not his fault and he is at the mercy of the storms so there really isn't anything neither one of us could do about it.  

I told my mom the only thing I wanted was an answered prayer shadow box for Christmas.  She had my uncle make it for me and it was the most precious gift I have ever received.  I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas without my husband.  It just did not feel like Christmas anymore.  What is happening here?  My head is spinning and all of a sudden I realized I had put my faith in a shadow box and my "armor" in a room somewhere that I haven't been in for weeks.  I hadn't been praying and spending time with God.  I had been praying but not really praying.  It went more like this, God he better be lucky that I know Jesus.  It was more like insults.  Demands and outbursts. You know the "genie in a bottle" kind of prayers.  The ones that you say when things are bad.  Those kind of prayers.  Not the kind of praying that I do well.  That kind of praying is what I needed the most.  

This is where I get set back again.  (To Be Con't)...

Coming next- "The Unbreakable Warrior"